Day 17: My thoughts on falling. OR if you disagree with me you're a pussy.

BEFORE YOU READ::

fully understand and appreciate the unique crazy interesting sarcastic obtuse humble individual that i am. 

It hurts. 

Scars. Bumps. Bruises Breaks.

Hurts. Heals?

Before it begins, i have to be a whole person. Fully healed and healthy. 

I am happy with life and reflect that joy unto others. 

On the most esoteric level, I can't reveal what I want from falling. You only know in that moment before.

Before you know you're falling into something that doesn't exist.

Before you know you're falling into something complex.

Before you know you're falling into something exciting.

Before you know you're falling into something you've always wanted.

Before you know you're falling into something comfortable.

Before you know you're falling into something...

Before you know you're falling into.

Before you know you're falling.

Before you know you're.

Before you know.

But bruises heal. Scars imprint stories and leave reminders for our psyche. "The pain might just be worth the fall," they tell themselves. 

I'm not a skeptic. I'm willing to search for it, but not spend my life in pursuit. I've fallen before.

I believe in passion and recognizing falling and falling deeply and I believe in failing and willingness to fail again. 

 We remember how much it hurt but we fall again.

MM & Montgomery Clift fall in 'The Misfits'

You're Invited!

Welcome to my pity party! Betcha didn't know you were in for a post about regret, anger and suicidal tendencies!! (just kidding about that last one... unless its death by chocolate) So *disclaimer* - I hate people who use the internet to whine, but I'm going to. Whine over wine, that is.


[via.]


About a month ago I moved back in with my parents. Half of me feels very lucky to have parents to go home to, and the other half is insanely regretful about the choice. I had been living in Portland, OR bouncing from restaurant job to random job, ignoring my 8th grade ambition to be famous by 25. Guess who has two thumbs and recently turned 24?

The main reason I decided to intrude upon my parent's empty nest? I couldn't pretend that I want to work menial jobs forever. Not being truly happy is something I can deny for only so long. Failure is opportunity in disguise.

Regret is a funny sonofabitch. I hate how many hours of my life I've spent wishing for Doc Brown to ride up in his DeLorean and offer me a do-over. You can't rewind life, you have to live it to the best of your ability. (The pinor noir made that last point)

In closing, a poem that channels 8th-grade Libby:
Realize your past self is still you.
Every day is a chance to win the lottery.
Give us this day our daily satisfaction.
Remember who ultimately chooses your path.
Endings are never really the end.
Time waits for no one.

I'd like to reiterate that I hate whiners and people who blame their choices on other people. I've been an adult for 6 years and this is where I am.
EMPTY NESTERS BEWARE, YOUR CHILDREN MAY RETURN!

when the lobsters crawled behind the fridge...

We live in a throw-away moment. Because of digital cameras everyday is Annie Hall at the beach house,

We take photos, we remember everything, so sometimes we remember events, we remember when the lobsters crawled under the fridge, but we forget why the moment was important, why it was funny, why it was ... memorable. We throw the picture in a bin, we throw our memory aside.
Permanent things are recorded on film, but our lives are all digital.